


Well Alright, Okay, You Win.

by ermengarde



Series: And it won't be hard to do (A.K.A. Adam wants your braaaaainz) [1]
Category: Adam Lambert - Fandom, adam lambert (singer)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-23
Updated: 2010-06-23
Packaged: 2017-10-10 06:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/96360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ermengarde/pseuds/ermengarde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Adam thinks he's a zombie (but still has magpie tendencies), Neil is longsuffering and Tommy's standing in as a chew-toy.<br/>A.K.A.: All our brainz are belong to Adam.<br/>A.A.K.A.: What the flying fuck has this fandom done to my brain?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Well Alright, Okay, You Win.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, this is very silly and entirely a result of Adam killing my entire twitter feed with his antics at the Nokia concert last night. We figured he must be trying to kill us for a _reason_ and then fic happened. I'm entirely with Neil in wondering how this is my life.

"Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainzzzzzzzzzzzz, om nom nom."

"Adam, stop nomming Tommy's head, your drool isn't good for his hair."

"Braaainz?"

"Adam, use your words."

Adam stopped ineffectually mouthing at Tommy's ear and looked at Neil quizzically.

"Adam, you're not really a zombie; you can still speak English."

"Brainz." Adam pulled Tommy's head down and nommed at the base of his skull, where the hair was short and not so screwed up by being half-eaten.

Neil sighed. This was not what he'd had in mind when he agreed to go on tour with Adam, but then Adam had gone out on some kind of vision quest night with Brad (Brad hadn't been terribly clear on the details, but he _had_ been very apologetic, suggested that Sutan would be a good ally and mentioned that Adam wasn't really craving brains - or brainz - he just _thought_ he was. Neil had bitten his tongue and not explained that that's what a craving _was_.) and now he thought he was a zombie with a mission to turn everyone undead.

Tommy had been quite willing to take an extra payment for head-biting; Neil was a little concerned that they were facilitating a very peculiar form of masochism, but it stopped Adam mouthing over anyone else so he decided that Tommy would be more than able to afford the appropriate therapy after the tour was done and stopped worrying about it.

"Adam, we talked about this, if you don't use your words then the press won't talk to you any more, you won't be able to tour any more and then you won't be able to destroy all those fans' brains."

"_Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa_inz." Adam grinned and licked Tommy. It was kind of like watching a puppy with a chew toy.

"Yes. Lots of lovely brains that you can break by doing inappropriate things that I don't want to watch."

Tommy shivered and cuddled into Adam. All the spit must have made his head cold.

"Okay, so, I'll go and get Sutan so you can get your glitter on."

"Sparkly." Adam stopped nomming on Tommy and looked up at Neil, wide-eyed and happy.

"Yes, sparkly, then you can come and speak to the nice press people and do your show."

"Tommy braaainz?"

"Yes, you can nom on Tommy during your show. But only in the bits where you're not supposed to be singing."

"'Kay."

 

Neil walked out of the dressing room and banged his head off of the wall in the corridor.

"He's ready for his makeup?" Sutan asked, sympathetically, and put his hand on Neil's shoulder.

"Yeah, go and work your magic, he's got press in forty five minutes."

Sutan pulled a small silver bottle out of his makeup kit. "I only need five, and I've been working with Brad to improve the shiny. This stuff will hold him for about six hours."

"Oh, good. Better shiny makeup for my brother." Neil slumped into the wall. "How is this my life? I'm a writer, not a zombie wrangler."

"Honey, you're a crappy roadie with zombie handler privileges. If your brother didn't have designs on taking over the world brain-by-brain you'd be unemployed, so get over it already. At least he's got Tommy up there with him for a quick nibble if the glitter starts to wear off so you don't need to worry about him on stage."

Neil checked his watch as Sutan went in to make Adam fit for company. Forty minutes. He could totally find the beer in forty minutes.


End file.
